Loss and separation
The concept of loss is usually associated with the death of a loved one. However, this is not the only case of loss experiencing and separation. Loss can be defined as the undesired change or removal of something or someone that you valued.
Loss is a significant part of our lives since the time we are born into this world. The experience of being born and leaving the nurturing womb of our mother is our first exposure to loss.Then we are weaned from our mother, we leave the family home when we go to school, after finishing school we go to university, from the city where we live to another, from adolescence to adulthood. Our friendships change and we hang out with new people, close romantic relationships end and others take their place. We quit jobs, change professions, move to a different house. We have children who at some point leave home, we retire, we lose our youth and old age comes. Loss is unemployment, divorce, illness, immigration, alienation.
Every loss is a transition from a previous state to another new one. Every change is a loss and every loss is a change, since something ceases to exist as we knew it until that moment and gives way to something new. We leave something behind and this often makes it difficult for us to process the change and the strong emotion that causes.
“I’m struggling with my parents’ divorce. It’s been 6 months since my father left home and I still haven’t adjusted to the new reality. I find it very strange that he now lives elsewhere and that this year we will celebrate holiday season separately. I feel like family as I knew it no longer exists.”
G., 19 years old.
When we experience an intense loss we may feel completely disorganized and dysfunctional in many aspects of our lives. We may feel sadness and want to mourn what we have lost and experience pain, disappointment, anger, fear and anxiety about the future. On the other hand, by leaving a situation – even if it was not easy – can also bring positive feelings, such as relief, calmness, determination, hope and optimism for the future.
“I recently broke up with someone very important to me. I feel bad and I don’t know how to get over it. I cry all the time and I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t go to my classes and I don’t feel like doing anything. I miss him and I can’t imagine my life without this man.”
M., 22 years old.
In any case, we need to work towards finding balance again in our lives, but also within ourselves. To redefine things and situations and find meaning again in the new conditions that are created. To accept the loss and come to terms with it. To give ourselves time and patience for the process, without pressure. To grieve, to hurt, to release everything negative we feel. To take care of us, to be in touch with our needs, to motivate ourselves and try to do things that please us. To externalize our thoughts and feelings, to be close to the people who support us and not hesitate to ask for help whenever we need it.
Separation and the feeling of loss are inevitable in our lives. These changes, as much as they make it difficult for us, are ultimately also the ones that urge us to evolve. They remind us that nothing is given, things change and have a dynamic nature. What is lost, gives ground for something new to be born. And by incorporating the experience of the loss we suffered, we have greater life knowledge and greater strength to continue shaping our new reality the way we desire.