Many young adults today are financially dependent on their parents for much longer than they expected, which makes them feel uncomfortable. The discomfort they feel does not work as a motivation for the person to go on with their life. On the contrary, the person enters often a vicious cycle of stress and ineffectiveness. In this essay the conditions in which this vicious circle is created will be analyzed, as well as the exit possibilities for the person.

“I feel guilty that I am not independent. I cannot study effectively and move on with my life. That makes me feel worse and more guilty. People expect me to succeed and I feel like I’m disappointing them. “I feel like I’m at a dead end.”

1. Student of Democritus University of Thrace, 24 years old

Factors that hinder financial independence

1.The reasons why a young adult is financially supported by his family are many and are mainly social. The adverse financial conditions, the difficulty of finding a job that is profitable enough to make a living, the limited time due to studies, are some of these reasons. At the same time, in Greece, traditionally it is the family and not the state that supports young people’s new beginning as adults. That means that the State does not offer incentives so that young people can easily start to work and pay for themselves. As a result, it depends to the resources families have in order to support the young person in his first steps. This support, however, can become more complex due to the parallel developmental processes each family experiences when a child leaves the nest.

2. The adult child’s “detachment” from the nest signals fundamental changes for the whole family. The transition from childhood to adulthood can be a period of intense emotions and rebuilding relationships of both the individual and those close to him. There are several ways a family can go through this evolutionary phase in life. The family may help the person create a safe base for their development and enhance their autonomy. That means that they offer the support the person needs, in order for them to be able to fly away from the family nest safely and confidently. On the other hand, the child’s leaving can cause a sense of threat to the parents. Family’s cohesion and balance are threatened. This sense of threat often prevents the parents from offering their children the skills they need to become independent. It is highly possible that that happens because they also lack those skills.   

3. A third factor that does not help the individual’s autonomy is related to the current demands they have to face living as an adult nowadays. Young people today are obliged to cope with a high speed of life, a constant demand for flexibility, and diverse requirements in the educational and / or professional fields. Additionally, they are confronted with the expectation to distinguish through their achievements among so many others who are trying to do exactly the same thing: to become remarkable. A young person’s educational and professional development are nowadays much more complicating than before. A huge range of options and possibilities are offered, which is liberating and motivating for the people, but it can also be confusing and scary.

On the basis of the above written, one could conclude that financial dependence of the family is not sufficient to cause discomfort to the young person. A combination of complex family relationships, social circumstances and personal vicious circles deters them from finding solutions to exit the dead end.  Here are some ideas, that will hopefully help you deal with these struggles:

• Treat your current life as the best possible scenario for now. The process of waiting to live your life when you are financially independent will discourage and disorient you.
• Be a partner to yourself. It is a necessary requirement to move forward. That means accepting and caring for your darkest and most distressed parts.
• Acknowledge the demanding period you are going through and appreciate everything you have achieved so far. What you have accomplished is your guide for the next steps.
• Create deeper and safer bonds with people you feel comfortable with. At the same time, it would also help you to accept the insecure bonds in your life. That means that you can stop relying on relationships that are difficult and frustrating and address to those that fill you with courage and love.
• Make small steps towards being responsible for your life. Even if it is not yet required by your family, academic and professional environment. The more you take responsibility for yourself, the more confidence you gain and vice versa.
• Look for organizations/ collectives, in which you can turn to for support. Become a member of groups with similar difficulties and get inspired.